Friday, October 10, 2025

Embarrassingly out of shape and wildly unfit

If you are looking for a way to work out and eat delicious things - make you own Puff Pastry. Actually I see the puff pastry in the store every once in a while and look at the price - WHOA! For one little sheet it's THAT much? No thanks. I had some extra apples and wanted to make some turnovers so I gave this pastry recipe a shot. The first day it felt like it would never come together. Like it was just buttery blobs. But after rolling it out 6 times and doing all the folds, it came together beautifully. Now my arms, abs, and shoulders were wildly sore, embarrassingly so. Like I couldn't sit up the next day, oh man. But dang it - I made puff pastry! I did it! Would I do it again? Yes, absolutely! Now you have to wait to see what I made WITH it!

Handmade Puff Pastry (Rough Puff Method)
1 and 1/3 cups (166g) all-purpose flour (spoon & leveled), plus more for generously flouring hands, surface, and dough
1 teaspoon granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup (1.5 sticks; 170g) unsalted butter, very cold and cubed
6–8 Tablespoons (90-120ml) ice cold water

Make the dough: Whisk the flour, sugar, and salt together in a large bowl. Place the cold and cubed butter on top. Gently toss the flour and butter together with your hands, and then briefly rub the butter into the flour to begin combining them, as you can see in the video tutorial above. You do not want to break down the butter too much in this step. This step is only possible if the butter is very cold because if the butter is warm, you’ll end up with paste. I do not recommend a food processor, pastry cutter, or mixer for this step because it will break down the butter too much.
At this point, the butter is still in large cubes/chunks. Begin adding the ice cold water 1 Tablespoon (15ml) at a time until dough forms 1 large shaggy clump in your bowl. Use your hands to toss the mixture together after you add each Tablespoon. (I usually start with 2 Tablespoons (30ml) of water before I begin tossing together.) You can use a spatula or spoon for tossing, but I really do recommend your hands so you get a good feel of the dough. As the dough begins to hydrate after about 4 Tablespoons (60ml) of water, you can start lightly squeezing or clumping the dough together with your hands to help bring it together. Mixture will still be very shaggy, as you can see in the video above and photos below. If your dough feels sticky and wet before adding 6 Tablespoons of water, your butter was likely too warm– you can continue with the recipe, but the dough will not be as flaky.
Pour the shaggy clump of dough out onto a lightly floured work surface. There will still be large chunks of butter at this point and that’s a good thing. Begin patting the dough down with lightly floured hands until it’s 3/4 – 1 inch thick, about a 5×8 inch rectangle. Fold the dough into thirds as if you were folding a business letter. Use your hands to gently flatten and smooth out any cracks in your dough. Wrap it up tightly in plastic wrap, parchment paper, or aluminum foil, or place into any tightly sealed container.
1st refrigeration: Refrigerate dough for at least 2 hours and up to 24 hours.
Roll & Fold: Take the dough out of the refrigerator to begin the “rolling and folding” process. If the dough chilled for longer than about 3 hours, it’s likely very stiff so let it rest for about 5 minutes before you begin rolling. Lightly flour a work surface. The dough gets sticky, so make sure you have more flour nearby as you roll and fold. Use your hands to gently flatten the dough into a small square. Using a rolling pin, roll the dough into a 6 inch wide and 12 inch tall rectangle that’s 1/2 inch thick. The exact dimensions are not important, but the thickness is. As you roll, it’s best to flip the dough over once or twice to make sure it’s not sticking to your work surface. Lightly flour your work surface as needed. Fold the rectangle into thirds as if it were a business letter. (See photos and video tutorial.) Turn it clockwise or counter clockwise and roll it out into a 6×12 inch 1/2 inch thick rectangle again. Then, fold into thirds again. Turn it clockwise or counter clockwise. You’ll repeat rolling and folding 4 more times for a total of 6 times.
2nd Refrigeration: Wrap up/seal tightly and refrigerate for at least 15 minutes and up to 24 hours before using in your recipe. You can also freeze the dough at this point. See freezing instructions.
Use wherever you would use frozen store-bought puff pastry. To bake plain, roll pastry dough into a 10×16-inch rectangle and place on a lined baking sheet. Brush all over with egg wash (1 large egg whisked with 1 Tbsp milk), and bake at 400°F (204°C) until golden brown and puffy, about 25-28 minutes.

Tuesday, October 7, 2025

Do you know how much butter two cups is?

Try to look online for a copycat of Portillo's Chocolate Cake and you get a mix of different recipes - mostly just boxed mixes - which I have zero issue with, but two cans of frosting too. That was not what I was looking for. Sure the box mix for the cake is fine - but I wanted fudgey delicious frosting. I found a recipe and decided to give it a try and realized it called for 2 cups of butter... that's 4 sticks!! And two full cups of chocolate chips too? How big of a cake are we frosting here? I decided to halve the recipe which worked out great - it was the perfect amount for the two layers of cake staked with a layer for filing and outside layer of the cake. I did make the cake layers a few days earlier and froze them. I find stacking and frosting cakes works so much better when you start with a frozen cake. We had this cake on Father's Day and sure my kids wouldn't touch it, but all the adults sure did enjoy a slice.

Portillo’s Chocolate Cake Recipe
1 box Devil’s Food Cake
3 eggs
1 cup ice cold water
1 cup mayonnaise

For the frosting
2 cups unsalted butter softened
2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup cocoa powder
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup corn syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups semisweet chocolate

Add Devil’s Food Cake to a large mixing bowl
With a whisk, stir in the eggs, water, and mayonnaise
Spray two round cake pans with baking spray (with flour).
Add the mixed ingredients to baking pan
Bake in an oven preheated to 350°F for 30-35 minutes.
Remove from oven and let cool.

For The Frosting
In a heatproof bowl, melt the semisweet chocolate and corn syrup, together. You can do this by placing the bowl over a pot of simmering water (double boiler) or by using a microwaveable safe bowl and doing short bursts in the microwave.(around 30 seconds and stirring) Allow it to cool slightly.
In a large bowl, using a hand mixer, or in a stand size mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the softened butter until creamy. About 2 minutes.
With a rubber spatula, scrape down the sides and the bottom of the bowl. Add powdered sugar, cocoa powder, vanilla and salt. Beat until smooth. About 2 minutes
Add chocolate and corn syrup mixture together, Mix until well combined. Continue beating on medium speed until the frosting is smooth and creamy. About 1-2 minutes
If the frosting is too thick, you can adjust the consistency by adding a dash of cream.

Ensure both cake layers are completely cooled to room temperature. If needed, level the cakes by trimming the tops for an even surface.
Place one cake layer, top side up, on the serving plate or cake stand.
Spoon a generous amount of chocolate frosting onto the center of the first cake layer. Use a spatula to spread the frosting evenly to the edges, covering the top of the cake.
Place the second cake layer, top side down, over the frosting for a flat and stable surface.
Apply a thin layer of frosting over the entire cake to seal in crumbs (crumb coat). Chill the cake in the refrigerator for 15-30 minutes to set the crumb coat.
Apply a thicker layer of chocolate frosting over the crumb coat, ensuring the entire cake is evenly covered.
Use a spatula or cake scraper to smooth the frosting on the sides and top of the cake.
If desired, chill the cake in the refrigerator for a short time before serving for a firmer frosting.

Friday, October 3, 2025

Oh hell damn fart.

Read the recipe Erin... the whole thing Erin... I'm not sure why I don't do that as many times as I've been burned by not doing it. Oh... my.... I was able to make these cookies ahead - just the dough balls to make my baking life a little easier. I baked them up and let them cool, then realized I needed to ice them. Oh... the butter needed to be soft - oh there's butter? What? Vegetable shortening? What the heck? Drizzle it on warm cookies? Oh hell damn fart.... I screwed that up. So... I made it work, man handled the butter until soft enough, mixed up the glaze and I dipped every dang cookie in there... and they turned out amazing. See? It worked! Maybe it didn't seep into every crevice and soak on in, but it sure was delicious and I didn't find a single person asking why I didn't read the recipe and follow it correctly. So there.

Soft Oatmeal Cookie with Icing
3/4 cup salted butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 tbsp canola oil
1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tbsp cornstarch
1 1/2 cups rolled oats
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Icing
1/4 cup butter
1 tbsp vegetable shortening
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1-2 tbsp milk

Preheat oven to 350°.
In a stand mixer or with an electric hand mixer, cream together the butter, brown sugar and sugar until light in color and fluffy in texture.
Scrape the sides of the bowl and add in the egg and canola oil. Mix until well combined.
Add the flour, rolled oats, cornstarch, cinnamon, soda and salt. Mix until the dough forms.
Portion the dough out -For small cookies, use 1 1/2 tbsp of dough for each cookie. For medium cookies use 3 tbsp of dough. For large cookies use 1/3 cup of dough.
Roll the dough into a ball. Break the dough in half and then press the two halves back together leaving the jagged edge up. This will give your oatmeal cookie that classic texture. Arrange on a silicone or parchment paper lined cookie sheet.
Bake at 350°. For small cookies, bake for 8-10 minutes. For medium cookies bake for 10-13 minutes. For large cookies bake for 12-15 minutes. The cookies will spread slightly and no longer look wet and glossy on top when they are ready to come out of the oven.
Icing
While to cookies are baking, make the icing.
Make the icing by combining the butter and shortening until smooth. Add in the powdered sugar, vanilla and 1 tbsp of milk. You can always add more milk, if needed. The icing should be quite thick.
Transfer the icing to a zip top bag with the corner clipped or piping bag.
When the cookies come out of the oven, allow them to cool on the pan for 3-5 minutes.
After the cookies have cooled just slightly, zig zag the icing on top of the cookies. Allow the icing to melt and then use a spoon to push the icing to fill up all the dips in the texture on the top of the cookies.
Allow the cookies to finish cooling on the pan.

Tuesday, September 30, 2025

Can you preburn calories?

I've always wanted to give my try at French Croissants. Recently I made a croissant like bread which worked out amazing and was delicious - but actual croissants? They seemed a little scary. I liked that this recipe took about three days to make. No it was three full days, but it was broken down into segments of work. I will say I struggled rolling out those dough, mostly because I'm short and clearly don't have the muscles I should have. Combined with the Rough Puff Pastry I also made at the same time, I found sore muscles I didn't know I had. I figured out why bakeries have sheeters or VERY buff bakers to roll out the dough. Or maybe even a lower table so you don't have to climb on top of a bar stool to het high enough for your weight to get "into " the rolling pin to make a difference. This was a VERY fun experience and one I'd for sure do again. We loved these croissants. Certainly worth the work and maybe I burned off as many calories as each one was... maybe...

French Croissants
4 cups (500g) all-purpose flour
¼ cup (50g) granulated sugar
2 ¼ tsp (7g) active dry yeast
1 ¼ tsp salt
1 cup (240ml) warm milk
10 tbsp (140g) unsalted butter, cold
1 egg (for egg wash)

Step 1: Prepare the Dough
In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar, yeast, and salt. Mix these dry ingredients together before adding the warm milk. Stir until the dough comes together, then knead it for about 8-10 minutes until it becomes smooth and elastic. If the dough feels too sticky, add a little more flour, but be careful not to make it too dry.
Shape the dough into a ball, place it in a lightly greased bowl, cover it with plastic wrap, and let it rest in the refrigerator for at least 6 hours or overnight. This slow fermentation helps develop flavor and improves the texture.
Step 2: Prepare the Butter Block
While the dough is chilling, prepare the butter block. Place the cold butter between two sheets of parchment paper and roll it into a 7×7-inch square. Try to keep it even in thickness. Refrigerate the butter block until firm but still pliable.
Step 3: Laminate the Dough
Once the dough is well-chilled, roll it out on a floured surface into a 10×10-inch square. Place the butter block in the center and fold the corners of the dough over it like an envelope, sealing the edges well.
Now, roll the dough into a long rectangle (about 8×24 inches). Fold it into thirds like a letter, wrap it in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Repeat this rolling and folding process two more times, chilling the dough between each fold. This creates the signature flaky layers of a croissant.
Step 4: Shape the Croissants
After the final chill, roll the dough out into a large rectangle about ¼ inch thick. Use a sharp knife or pizza cutter to cut long triangles with a base of about 3 inches and a height of 8 inches.
Starting from the wide end, gently roll each triangle into a croissant shape, slightly stretching the dough as you roll. Place them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, making sure to tuck the tip underneath so they don’t unroll while baking.
Step 5: Proof the Croissants
Cover the shaped croissants loosely with plastic wrap and let them rise at room temperature for about 2 hours, or until they become puffy and nearly double in size. They should feel light and airy when gently touched.
Step 6: Bake to Perfection
Preheat your oven to 375°F (190°C). In a small bowl, beat the egg and lightly brush it over the croissants for a shiny, golden finish. Bake for 18-22 minutes, or until they turn beautifully golden brown and crisp.
Let them cool slightly before enjoying, though I won’t blame you if you sneak a warm one right off the tray!

Friday, September 26, 2025

Over promised and under delivered on actual Chicken Kievness

For the second year I've volunteered to feed the Vacation Bible School volunteers before they serve the kids at church. This year we did half catered and half homemade which meant making 16 pounds of taco meat and 16 pounds of sloppy joe ahead and freezing it in prep. Since it was Bronwyn's birthday on the last day of VBS I decided dessert would follow the carnival theme and be cupcakes. I made three batches of cupcakes in liners that looked like bags of popcorn and froze them. Then I piped an entire recipe of buttercream into popcorn kernel. I saw a few videos and really didn't seeWhen I told my family we were having Chicken Kiev Pasta for dinner there were so many questions - SO MANY. Are we cutting up real Chicken Kiev for Pasta? What does this mean? To be honest - I think this recipe name is not that accurate. For something to be Chicken Kiev - I would expect the chicken to be breaded and there to be a fair amount of butter and chives - that was not the case at all. What this dish actually was, was a delicious chicken and pasta dish that had too many breadcrumbs on top. WAY too many breadcrumbs. The pasta cooks in very flavorful liquid - so the dish without the breadcrumbs was very good, but now I need to make them Chicken Kiev because they felt over promised and under delivered on actual Chicken Kievness. Is that a thing?

Chicken Kiev Pasta
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons butter unsalted
1 pound chicken breasts skinless and boneless, cut into bite size pieces
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried parsley
3 cloves garlic minced
1 medium onion chopped
salt and pepper to taste
12 ounces penne pasta uncooked
2½ cups chicken broth
2 cups milk
¼ cup fresh parsley chopped
1 cup Parmesan cheese freshly grated

Topping
1 tablespoon butter
½ cup breadcrumbs preferably Panko
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried parsley

Add the oil and butter to a Dutch oven or large skillet and heat over medium heat. Season the chicken with the garlic powder and dried parsley then add to the pot and cook until no longer pink and starts to brown.
Add the onion and garlic and cook for another 2 to 3 minutes until the onion starts to soften a bit. Season with salt and pepper.
Add the penne pasta, chicken broth and milk to the pot, stir and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook for about 15 minutes until the pasta is fully cooked, stirring occasionally. Add more liquid if needed.
Stir in the Parmesan cheese and fresh parsley.
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