Oh hell damn fart.

Read the recipe Erin... the whole thing Erin... I'm not sure why I don't do that as many times as I've been burned by not doing it. Oh... my.... I was able to make these cookies ahead - just the dough balls to make my baking life a little easier. I baked them up and let them cool, then realized I needed to ice them. Oh... the butter needed to be soft - oh there's butter? What? Vegetable shortening? What the heck? Drizzle it on warm cookies? Oh hell damn fart.... I screwed that up. So... I made it work, man handled the butter until soft enough, mixed up the glaze and I dipped every dang cookie in there... and they turned out amazing. See? It worked! Maybe it didn't seep into every crevice and soak on in, but it sure was delicious and I didn't find a single person asking why I didn't read the recipe and follow it correctly. So there.

Soft Oatmeal Cookie with Icing
3/4 cup salted butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
1 tbsp canola oil
1 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tbsp cornstarch
1 1/2 cups rolled oats
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
Icing
1/4 cup butter
1 tbsp vegetable shortening
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
1-2 tbsp milk

Preheat oven to 350°.
In a stand mixer or with an electric hand mixer, cream together the butter, brown sugar and sugar until light in color and fluffy in texture.
Scrape the sides of the bowl and add in the egg and canola oil. Mix until well combined.
Add the flour, rolled oats, cornstarch, cinnamon, soda and salt. Mix until the dough forms.
Portion the dough out -For small cookies, use 1 1/2 tbsp of dough for each cookie. For medium cookies use 3 tbsp of dough. For large cookies use 1/3 cup of dough.
Roll the dough into a ball. Break the dough in half and then press the two halves back together leaving the jagged edge up. This will give your oatmeal cookie that classic texture. Arrange on a silicone or parchment paper lined cookie sheet.
Bake at 350°. For small cookies, bake for 8-10 minutes. For medium cookies bake for 10-13 minutes. For large cookies bake for 12-15 minutes. The cookies will spread slightly and no longer look wet and glossy on top when they are ready to come out of the oven.
Icing
While to cookies are baking, make the icing.
Make the icing by combining the butter and shortening until smooth. Add in the powdered sugar, vanilla and 1 tbsp of milk. You can always add more milk, if needed. The icing should be quite thick.
Transfer the icing to a zip top bag with the corner clipped or piping bag.
When the cookies come out of the oven, allow them to cool on the pan for 3-5 minutes.
After the cookies have cooled just slightly, zig zag the icing on top of the cookies. Allow the icing to melt and then use a spoon to push the icing to fill up all the dips in the texture on the top of the cookies.
Allow the cookies to finish cooling on the pan.

Can you preburn calories?

I've always wanted to give my try at French Croissants. Recently I made a croissant like bread which worked out amazing and was delicious - but actual croissants? They seemed a little scary. I liked that this recipe took about three days to make. No it was three full days, but it was broken down into segments of work. I will say I struggled rolling out those dough, mostly because I'm short and clearly don't have the muscles I should have. Combined with the Rough Puff Pastry I also made at the same time, I found sore muscles I didn't know I had. I figured out why bakeries have sheeters or VERY buff bakers to roll out the dough. Or maybe even a lower table so you don't have to climb on top of a bar stool to het high enough for your weight to get "into " the rolling pin to make a difference. This was a VERY fun experience and one I'd for sure do again. We loved these croissants. Certainly worth the work and maybe I burned off as many calories as each one was... maybe...

French Croissants
4 cups (500g) all-purpose flour
¼ cup (50g) granulated sugar
2 ¼ tsp (7g) active dry yeast
1 ¼ tsp salt
1 cup (240ml) warm milk
10 tbsp (140g) unsalted butter, cold
1 egg (for egg wash)

Step 1: Prepare the Dough
In a large mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar, yeast, and salt. Mix these dry ingredients together before adding the warm milk. Stir until the dough comes together, then knead it for about 8-10 minutes until it becomes smooth and elastic. If the dough feels too sticky, add a little more flour, but be careful not to make it too dry.
Shape the dough into a ball, place it in a lightly greased bowl, cover it with plastic wrap, and let it rest in the refrigerator for at least 6 hours or overnight. This slow fermentation helps develop flavor and improves the texture.
Step 2: Prepare the Butter Block
While the dough is chilling, prepare the butter block. Place the cold butter between two sheets of parchment paper and roll it into a 7×7-inch square. Try to keep it even in thickness. Refrigerate the butter block until firm but still pliable.
Step 3: Laminate the Dough
Once the dough is well-chilled, roll it out on a floured surface into a 10×10-inch square. Place the butter block in the center and fold the corners of the dough over it like an envelope, sealing the edges well.
Now, roll the dough into a long rectangle (about 8×24 inches). Fold it into thirds like a letter, wrap it in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 30 minutes. Repeat this rolling and folding process two more times, chilling the dough between each fold. This creates the signature flaky layers of a croissant.
Step 4: Shape the Croissants
After the final chill, roll the dough out into a large rectangle about ¼ inch thick. Use a sharp knife or pizza cutter to cut long triangles with a base of about 3 inches and a height of 8 inches.
Starting from the wide end, gently roll each triangle into a croissant shape, slightly stretching the dough as you roll. Place them on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper, making sure to tuck the tip underneath so they don’t unroll while baking.
Step 5: Proof the Croissants
Cover the shaped croissants loosely with plastic wrap and let them rise at room temperature for about 2 hours, or until they become puffy and nearly double in size. They should feel light and airy when gently touched.
Step 6: Bake to Perfection
Preheat your oven to 375°F (190°C). In a small bowl, beat the egg and lightly brush it over the croissants for a shiny, golden finish. Bake for 18-22 minutes, or until they turn beautifully golden brown and crisp.
Let them cool slightly before enjoying, though I won’t blame you if you sneak a warm one right off the tray!

Over promised and under delivered on actual Chicken Kievness

For the second year I've volunteered to feed the Vacation Bible School volunteers before they serve the kids at church. This year we did half catered and half homemade which meant making 16 pounds of taco meat and 16 pounds of sloppy joe ahead and freezing it in prep. Since it was Bronwyn's birthday on the last day of VBS I decided dessert would follow the carnival theme and be cupcakes. I made three batches of cupcakes in liners that looked like bags of popcorn and froze them. Then I piped an entire recipe of buttercream into popcorn kernel. I saw a few videos and really didn't seeWhen I told my family we were having Chicken Kiev Pasta for dinner there were so many questions - SO MANY. Are we cutting up real Chicken Kiev for Pasta? What does this mean? To be honest - I think this recipe name is not that accurate. For something to be Chicken Kiev - I would expect the chicken to be breaded and there to be a fair amount of butter and chives - that was not the case at all. What this dish actually was, was a delicious chicken and pasta dish that had too many breadcrumbs on top. WAY too many breadcrumbs. The pasta cooks in very flavorful liquid - so the dish without the breadcrumbs was very good, but now I need to make them Chicken Kiev because they felt over promised and under delivered on actual Chicken Kievness. Is that a thing?

Chicken Kiev Pasta
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 tablespoons butter unsalted
1 pound chicken breasts skinless and boneless, cut into bite size pieces
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried parsley
3 cloves garlic minced
1 medium onion chopped
salt and pepper to taste
12 ounces penne pasta uncooked
2½ cups chicken broth
2 cups milk
¼ cup fresh parsley chopped
1 cup Parmesan cheese freshly grated

Topping
1 tablespoon butter
½ cup breadcrumbs preferably Panko
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon dried parsley

Add the oil and butter to a Dutch oven or large skillet and heat over medium heat. Season the chicken with the garlic powder and dried parsley then add to the pot and cook until no longer pink and starts to brown.
Add the onion and garlic and cook for another 2 to 3 minutes until the onion starts to soften a bit. Season with salt and pepper.
Add the penne pasta, chicken broth and milk to the pot, stir and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook for about 15 minutes until the pasta is fully cooked, stirring occasionally. Add more liquid if needed.
Stir in the Parmesan cheese and fresh parsley.

Popping "popcorn" for cupcakes

For the second year I've volunteered to feed the Vacation Bible School volunteers before they serve the kids at church. This year we did half catered and half homemade which meant making 16 pounds of taco meat and 16 pounds of sloppy joe ahead and freezing it in prep. Since it was Bronwyn's birthday on the last day of VBS I decided dessert would follow the carnival theme and be cupcakes. I made three batches of cupcakes in liners that looked like bags of popcorn and froze them. Then I piped an entire recipe of buttercream into popcorn kernel. I saw a few videos and really didn't see any that explained it well, but taking a very small star tip quickly squirting out frosting so it curled up and around the tip and it looked amazingly like popcorn! I painted some yellow food coloring inside the bag too for that "Extra butter" look. It was so fun and people were very surprised it wasn't actually popcorn. Our pastor thought they were flowers. Maybe he didn't have his glasses on... hard to say. You tell me - do these look like bags of popcorn? Please say yes.
I don't know the theme for next year - but I'm all for a challenge!

Buttercream Frosting
1 1/2 cups butter, at room temperature (3 sticks)
4 1/2 cups powdered sugar
3 - 4 Tbsp heavy cream
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

In the bowl of an electric stand mixer, using the paddle or whisk attachment whip butter on medium-high speed (if using whisk attachment whip on high speed) until nearly white and very fluffy, about 7 - 8 minutes, frequently scraping down the sides of the bowl.
Add in powdered sugar, heavy cream, and vanilla extract and mix on low speed until blended, then increase speed to medium and beat until very light and fluffy, about 5 - 6 minutes, frequently scraping down the sides of the bowl.
Immediately spread over cooled cake or cupcakes.

Make a mess for someone else to clean up.... or not.

Before you consider this recipe - go make some rice - 2 cups - and toss it in the fridge. Just do it. Do yourself that favor, because 100% that will be the part you get to and say "ooh man, I didn't make my rice ahead". For the first time in a long time - I read through the recipe ahead of time and got that rice made a day ahead. Phew! Winning at life! This recipe came together very fast so making sure to prep and measure ingredients ahead is a must. Sure it makes a lot of dishes... but maybe you are the one that cooks and someone else cleans, win! Maybe you have a dishwasher and all you have to do is toss them in, win! Maybe you have to cook and clean AND empty the dishwasher... well that stinks but still you'll have made great food and it's worth the mess. If you have to do it all maybe it's time to shame some family members or get take out...

Garlic Chicken Fried Rice
2 chicken breasts, diced
2 cups cooked rice (preferably cold)
1 tbsp olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup green peas
1/4 cup diced carrots
2 eggs, lightly scrambled
3 tbsp low-sodium soy sauce
1 tsp sesame oil
1/2 tsp chili flakes (optional)
Salt and pepper to taste
Fresh parsley or green onions for garnish (optional)

Instructions
Heat olive oil in a large pan or wok over medium-high heat. Season the diced chicken with salt and pepper, then cook until crispy and golden brown. Remove from the pan and set aside.
In the same pan, add minced garlic and sauté for about 1 minute until fragrant.
Add the peas and carrots to the pan, stir-frying for 2-3 minutes until softened.
Push the veggies to the side of the pan and pour in the scrambled eggs. Let them cook fully before scrambling into the veggies.
Add the cold rice to the pan, breaking up any clumps. Stir well to combine.
Add soy sauce, sesame oil, and chili flakes (if using). Stir to evenly coat everything.
Add the crispy chicken back into the pan, mixing everything until heated through.
Garnish with fresh parsley or green onions, if desired, then serve and enjoy!